Maybe I’m a little late to noticing how pervasive this is, but at some point, we stopped reading information in paragraph form and went with lists. I understand it. We’re busy, there’s so much information out there, how can I get the most of it in the shortest amount of time? Let’s cut to the chase, tell me just what I need to know, don’t beat around the bush. I ready many of these lists, some serious, some light-hearted, some really hilarious, like the one of what a baby really wants for Christmas (see link below). I learn things from the serious lists, and I smile or laugh at the funny ones, which I admit are the ones I will most likely read. Not always though. I passed on “Seventeen Terrible Puns to Brighten Your Day.”
Among the lists that I’m noticing, primarily on Facebook posts, are lists of “Things You Should Never Say to (fill in the blank here).”
Here are some lists I think might be interesting.
* Six Things You Don’t Want to Say to Someone Who’s Having a Bad Hair Day.
* The Most Important Thing You Can Say to Someone Whose Engagement Ring is Not Only Sporting a Tiny Diamond, but is Also Just Unattractive
* Four Things You MUST Say to Someone Who Has Come Out of the Bathroom with Toilet Paper Stuck on Their Shoe. For example: “GO BACK! THERE’S TOILET PAPER ON YOUR SHOE!” (Maybe there’s only one thing you must say in that situation.)
FYI-I googled all these to see if such lists already exist. They don’t. There’s “what you should do if you’re having a bad hair day.” There’s “What awful things did people say when they saw your engagement ring.” And, there’s a little story about what someone did when they saw someone else with toilet paper on their shoe. So, for you list-makers out there, the field is wide open!
As someone who teaches little kids, primarily at church, I have my own list:
What Not to Say to Someone Who Teaches Little Kids
“Why do babies need teachers? They’re too young to learn anything!”
Have you ever seen a newborn baby? Have you also seen a one-year-old? Think about the comparison of the two and then tell me babies can’t/don’t learn things.
“All you ever do down there is eat and play!”
WELL! Young children learn by doing, not by listening. By smelling roasting peanuts and tasting them, kids have an opportunity to learn about God’s provision of food for us. Someone actually said that to me one time, after the scent of roasting peanuts wafted throughout the church hallways. (Obviously this was years and years ago, before peanut allergies became such a significant health/allergy issue for kids. Now when we talk about how God made good food, we make cinnamon toast or applesauce. Or snickerdoodles.)
“You’re such a good teacher. You should be teaching adults.”
Nope. In adult Sunday School classrooms there are no Autoharps, blocks, tempera paint, or books you can read in three minutes. They never cook omelets or new play dough or cinnamon toast. Or snickerdoodles.
“What’s that shiny stuff on your shoulder?”
I’ve spent the morning with a sad little toddler who cried on my shoulder for an hour. It’s what you think it is. Dried snot.
“What’s that brown stuff in your lap?”
Oh, dear. I’ve spent the morning holding a fussy baby who didn’t seem to feel very well on my lap. I’m afraid it might be . . .
“What’s that big brown spot on the back of your dress?”
Some preschoolers painted at the easel, using ALL the colors (which gives you a sort of greenish, camo brown). I must have backed up to that painting, hanging on the drying rack.
This actually happened to me, one Mother’s Day morning. I had gone to church and my sons and daughters-in-law were coming later for worship service. After I backed up to the easel in my pale yellow dress, I frantically called home and asked April to go to my closet and please bring me something else to put on, so I didn’t alarm people in worship service and risk making a diarrhea colored stain on the pew cushion.
“What’s that green stuff under your fingernails?”
Play dough.
“Is something down here on fire?”
A snickerdoodle rolled off the pan in the oven and fell onto the heating element. But thanks for checking to make sure we’re all right.
“You smell like spit up.”
I suppose I do.
“You’re late to worship service.”
Yes, I guess I am, after waiting for the worship service volunteers, finding a parent to tell them their kid seems to have a fever, taking the attendance sheet to the office, and washing up the snack dishes.
“I can’t believe you’re not familiar with the story of Jael (the wife of Heber the Kenite), and how she drove a tent peg through the head of Sisera (the commander of the forces of King Jabin)!”
Um, well, not a preschool story.
Things You Can Say to the People Who Teach the Little Kids
“What interesting things did you do with the preschoolers this morning?”
“You look a little tired, but in a very happy way.”
“Yummm. You smell like cookies.”
“Thank you for teaching our kids.”
I rejoiced with those who said to me,
“Let us go to the house of the Lord.”
Psalm 122:1 (NIV)
Every kid ought to be happy when someone says, “It’s time to go to church!” I’m so very grateful to be part of the experience.