I was on a trip, driving for three days, and one of my overnight stops was with some friends. As I turned into their driveway, the whole family erupted out of the house, jostling each other in attempts to be the first to get to me to share that there had been a flood, and part of the highway beyond them was washed out. Maybe I was overly skeptical of their motives, but it seemed to me that the expressions on their faces weren’t those of concern but more of glee. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but YEHAWW do I have some baaaad news for you!”
I understand the feeling. I’ve felt that way myself. The excited anticipation of being the first to share a piece of important information with someone. And that moment of truly inappropriate disappointment when I learn they already knew about the death, the jail sentence, the new baby, the engagement, the roadway washout and the new need for a detour route.
Me: Say, did you hear about Greg?
Them: Yeah, I know. The funeral’s on Wednesday.
Me: I just heard. Joanie’s pregnant!
Them: I know. And it’s a girl; just what they were hoping for!
Me: I thought you’d want to know. Blake finally proposed.
Them: Yeah, wow. Isn’t her ring gorgeous!
And, somehow, I’m not happy that they’ve already heard about these things.
Hey! I wanted to tell you about that loss.
How come nobody told me it was a girl?
Shoot. Who knows when I’ll be able to see her ring.
I’m not thrilled that we can share these things and mourn or be joyful together. Instead, I’m wailing inside, “I wanted to tell you! I didn’t want you to tell me!”
I’m trying to react more gently to these events. Instead of expressing how cross I am, I say things like, “Oh, good. Well I just wanted to be sure you knew,” which is, of course, a huge lie. I wanted to be the one to share that tidbit FIRST! And I try to be careful about my expression, as my sister tells me that I do not have a very good poker face. Apparently my emotions are right out there for any observant person to see. Which of course means that I have to feel gentle and happy/somber inside so that feeling shows on my transparent face.
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- Appropriate comment to someone who already knows about this: Have you talked to Carol yet? How’s she doing? Is there something I can do to help?
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- The appropriate comment to someone who already knows about this: A girl! I’m so glad for them. Have they chosen a name yet?
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- The appropriate comment to someone who alread knows about this: Has the happy couple set a date yet? Where are they registered?
There are lots of Bible verses about being angry and what to do about it. I have a wonderful app (Bible Gateway) that is like a giant concordance. I can look up any verse or word (is “Google” a generic enough term these days that I can “google” a verse, even when Google isn’t involved at all?) and instantly have access to scores of translations, including “Hawai’i Pidgin,” which I enjoyed for quite a while one morning and am now actively searching for a verse I can use for something. Coming soon to a blog near you . . .
When I put “gentle” into thesuraus.com, I get synonyms, but I also get antonyms. The opposite of “gentle” includes words like cruel, disagreeable, harsh, irritable, uncompassionate, and unkind. Maybe I should print out a list and stick it up on my bathroom mirror, or maybe the fridge, or next to the computer. Maybe I should print out several lists, to remind me of the things I’m supposed to avoid. I’ve looked at the “thou shalt” list. Those words aren’t on it.
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.
James 3:13 (NRSV)
Oh, hypocrisy. Get thee behind me!!
Mirror, mirror on the wall…..
Thanks alot for pointing out one of my flaws 🙂
Love ya
I think most of us are guilty. Well, maybe quite a few of us.
Nice ring!
Next time you share news, I’ll make sure my poker face is on and act like I didn’t know……b/c I probably didn’t!!! Oh, did you hear……..
This sooooo true.
Yes, indeed! Thanks for sharing.