Seriously? SE-RI-OUS-LY?!?!

Colon Update (but, still without too much detail)

I had all my instructions for preparing for that colon business. I filled up the four-liter jug with water and shook it nicely to carefully distribute the included dry stuff. I put it in the fridge, because it’s supposed to be more palatable cold. Hmmmm. My prep instructions say to drink one cup every ten to fifteen minutes, starting at 5:00 p.m., until you’ve drunk half. And, guzzle it down instead of sipping. Also supposed to be more palatable. Then, at 1:00 a.m., repeat until it’s all been drunk.

Then, report at 8:00 a.m. Tuesday for the procedure.

I did all those things. Staff got me all ready, with IV and blood pressure cuff, and then anesthesia, and it seemed like it was just moments before I was waking up again. In actuality, it was just moments. Because, despite my complete prep obedience, my colon was not cleaned out at all. The doctor said to David, “I couldn’t see a thing.”

SO WE HAD TO START ALL OVER!!!

They rescheduled me for Wednesday afternoon, sent off a new prescription for more of that let’s-get-you-all-cleaned-out stuff to the pharmacy (but a different brand, and a little more liquid). I mixed it up, chilled it, and at 5:00 p.m. began the “drink a cup every ten to fifteen minutes until half is gone” business. At 7:45 a.m., I was supposed to begin gulping down the second half. I wasn’t taking any chances, and started at 6:00. We were supposed to arrive at 2:45 p.m., which we did. And then we sat for almost an hour.

The waiting room was almost full, and, over the course of the next minutes, various family’s names were called, and they went off to speak with the doctor, and then collected their kin. I was the last one called back, and there was a flurry and hurry, getting me all ready. When they woke me back up again, everything was fine, everything went well. Then there was a huge rush of getting me dressed and getting us out of there. I didn’t figure out until later that the doctor had probably added me in on top of an already full afternoon. I suppose he thought that, if I didn’t come right back in for the procedure, he might never see me again. And he might have been right.

As the nurses and tech people were getting me ready, before the procedure, the doctor walked by and reminded me that they like to do this every ten years. He recommended that, ten years from now, we use that same solution as we did that second go-round. I said, “I’m not doing this again.”

When the doctor had his after-procedure consultation with David, he mentioned the same thing. David said, “I don’t think she plans on doing this again.” “That’s what she told me,” the doctor said.

The post-procedure instructions said to take it easy the rest of the day (and don’t make any important decisions or sign any legal documents, because post-anesthesia, one might not be an adequate decision-maker). But, the next day, get back to normal activities. So, on Thursday, I went to Fort Worth to get Peter to spend a few days with us during his Spring Break. I felt fine, except that my arms were sore, as though I’d been carrying boxes around or doing yard work or painting a wall. I finally thought that it must be those big jugs of prep liquid. They were four liter containers, and, for a time on Monday and Tuesday, I was picking one up and pouring out a cup of liquid. Every ten minutes. Of course, the jug got lighter and lighter. But I think that must have been what caused the aches.

Also, in the stack of papers I got when we left, there was a page of photos of my colon. If you’re interested in seeing them, let me know.

 And I find that the strength of Christ’s explosive power infuses me to conquer every difficulty.

Philippians 4:13 (The Passion Translation)

When a friend of mine was preparing for her colonoscopy, she asked her doctor why he chose gastroenterology as his specialization. (Because, really, it doesn’t seem like one of the more glamorous-types of fields.) His response? “I save lives.” Hard to argue with that.