The fascinating Oxymoron craze crops up every now and then. It must be at a low point right now, otherwise I’d be seeing more lists of them on Facebook, like “10 Oxymorons That You Can Use at Work,” or “The Six Funniest Oxymorons Ever.” That sort of thing. I don’t know what those “10 Work-Related” or “Six Funniest,” might be, but now that I’ve brought it up, surely somebody will start working on them.
Anyway, if you missed one of the oxymoron surges in the past few years, oxymorons are common phrases that use words that are the opposite of each other. Like “Civil War,” because wars are anything but civil. And “Jumbo Shrimp,” because “jumbo” means “really big,” and “shrimp,” as slang, means “small.” You get the idea.
FYI, the phrase “Fabulous Kidney-Friendly Hot Cocoa” is oxymoronic. I don’t know that there’s any food at all that can be “fabulous” and “kidney-friendly” at the same time. Well, a really good apple, like a Honey Crisp, is pretty good. And berries.
The foods that stress out one’s kidneys (if they’re not all that healthy, which mine are not) are those with higher levels of sodium, phosphorous, and potassium. Put those restrictions on top of a diabetic diet, and you are left with celery. Okay, that’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but not much. Most salad ingredients are kidney-friendly, like lettuce and kale and cucumbers, but not tomatoes. Also, kidney diets have limited protein and dairy. So, on that salad, not much meat or cheese.
Chocolate is also on the “poor choice” list. That means that, at Christmas, when we all sit around and watch “Claymation Christmas” and drink hot chocolate, I’m left out (well, left out of the drinking). And on cold wintry mornings, like last Monday, I can have hot tea, but it’s just not the same. I can make some white hot chocolate, but that involves milk, which is supposed to be limited, and white chocolate is really sweet, which means extra insulin, so it’s not all that great a substitute.
Looks okay, doesn’t it? Well, meh.
That’s why, when I found “Fabulous Kidney-Friendly Hot Cocoa,” I bookmarked the recipe. I tried it a few weeks ago. It may be kidney-friendly, but “fabulous?” Not so much.
The recipe uses cocoa instead of chocolate, which I suppose is a more acceptable choice, kidney-wise. It calls for Splenda, which I don’t have, but just two teaspoons, so I used actual, real sugar instead, which does add a few more carbs. Now, the most kidney-friendly part, you mix that cocoa and sugar with … hot water. Not milk. Hot water. Then, you can put 3 tablespoons of Cool Whip on it. (Cool Whip is okay because it’s “non-dairy.”) The result is very kidney-friendly, I guess, but not Fabulous. Not Fabulous at all!
If I put the Cool Whip in the cup first (with the cocoa and sugar), then pour in the boiling water, it’s an improvement. The hot water melts the Cool Whip making it be at least a little “milkish.” It’s all right. It’s hot. It’s chocolate. But several steps away from Fabulous.
Is anyone among you suffering? He should keep on praying about it. And those who have reason to be thankful should continually be singing praises to the Lord.
James 5:13 Living Bible (TLB)
There’s so much now that I’m not supposed to eat. I never realized how much I depended on tomatoes, and how fond I was of bananas. Yeah, white rice (on the “good choice” list) is fine, but not nearly as nice as a fluffy baked potato (on the “poor choice” list) with butter and cheese (also on the “poor choice” list).
But, when I find a substitute, while not necessarily fabulous, reasonably satisfying, I am thankful, and I really do sing praises to the Lord, because it keeps me one tiny step further away from needing dialysis.
If you really want to know-the recipe for Fabulous Kidney-Friendly Cocoa
oxymoron definition-
oxymoron examples
Excellent…..from your friendly Nephrology social worker! I’ll be sharing this post with our dietician.
When I read your post I almost wanted to cry I am new to dialysis and pretty much looking in the internet for recipes but come on for them to be good as well, when you were describing that way about tomatoes n bananas I totally relate I also used to have orange juice in the mornings I feel like it’s hard all the thinks one can’t eat especially salt, just wanted to say I enjoyed your post thank you.
I’m so glad you found the post. The kidney-friendly diet isn’t very interesting, but it’s worth it to maintain kidney function. When my kidneys got so bad, and I got the diet, I moaned to my kidney doctor about tomatoes. “You can eat tomatoes,” he said. And I said, with wonder, “I can eat tomatoes?” And he said, “Yes, you can have a slice a day.” And I said, “I don’t want a slice a day. I want to buy a carton of grape tomatoes and eat them all.” “Well, not that,” he said. It’s a hard road, for sure, but it’s the road to a longer life!
I make hor chocolate with ALmond milk, one teaspoon of Splenda, and dump in the Hersheys cocoa. Chocolate, from all we are told, is actually good for kidneys.
Thanks for this. It sounds tasty!