There is an old joke whose punch line is “Kidney, man! Kidneys!” (And maybe I could have asked a dozen or so people and found out what the joke itself was, but just by typing in “kidneys, man, …,” Google instantly popped in the rest of the phrase and one click took me right to the joke.)
I’ve been going to the nephrologists (the kidney guys) for a few years now. At each appointment, the most important number they look at is my GFR (Glomerular Filtration Rate), which gives a percentage of kidney function. When you get down to 30% (at least at my place), you have to go to Kidney Class, where you learn all about the different kinds of dialysis. You have to make a tentative decision about what kind you’d like to have, and then you have to go (and take your significant other) to learn all about the dialysis.
Then, when you get down to 20%, you have to have surgery to put in the Access (a two-part surgery that makes a place in one’s arm for the removal of blood for cleaning, which one’s kidneys are not doing, and the returning of the nice, clean blood back in your body). Dialysis doesn’t actually begin until you’re down to 10% function, but they don’t want to take a chance of your dropping suddenly and needing emergency dialysis, which is done by putting a dialysis catheter through your neck into your chest. They refer to this as “the white tube of death.” Yes, they do, too. Those are the precise words that all the kidney people use and I’ve even seen it written a poster. “Avoid the White Tube of Death.” Apparently, there’s a pretty significant chance of infection with the thing. Actually, their first choice is to do a transplant, but lots of people end up on dialysis.
Meanwhile, at one appointment, the doctor and nurse asked if I drank dark soft drinks. Oh, yes, I was all over Coke Zero and Pepsi Max. “You should stop,” they said. “There’s lots of phosphorus in dark colas and phosphorus is hard on the kidneys.” So, I cut way back, and then all the way back. Sprite comes in a Zero, too.
I rocked along for quite a while, then in one 4-month time span, I went from 32 to 19. EEK! Off to kidney class. I rallied, a little, then, about 6 months later, the GFR plummeted to 16.19 and two weeks later to 15.48. They scheduled the first access surgery. And I thought, “I wonder what else is hard on kidneys.” Well, potassium and sodium and protein. The list of “poor choices” is long. And, when I try to dovetail the “good choice” kidney foods with “healthy choice” diabetic foods, I’m left with celery. (And lettuce and kale) But I got on board.
Three weeks later, my GFR had zoomed all the way back up to 24.75. The surgery was cancelled. Now, two years later, I’m still wandering around in the twenties. I had an appointment on Tuesday. It was 24.3. We high-fived. We talked about the future. Here’s what the doctor wrote at the bottom of my lab report) the words say “Preserve kidney function”:
I don’t have to go back for SIX MONTHS!
Oh, thank the Lord, for he’s so good! His loving-kindness is forever.
Let the congregation of Israel praise him with these same words: “His loving-kindness is forever.” And let the priests of Aaron chant, “His loving-kindness is forever.” Let the Gentile converts chant, “His loving-kindness is forever.”’
Psalm 118:1-4 (The Living Bible)
I’ve mentioned before that I’ve given my kidneys to God. Every now and then, I have to hand them over to the kidney doctor, but then I give them right back. And go eat a piece of celery wrapped up in a lettuce leaf.
You know I MUST comment on this. WAY TO GO compliant kidney patient!!! Who did you see? Gibney? Go celebrate….one cherry tomato!
Yes, it was Dr. Gibney. I wonder if I drove through Chick-fil-A and asked for one waffle fry, would they sell me just one.
I’ll go get an order and give you one. Actually, JoAnne’s advice is the best. Drive thru and purchase a Sprite Zero and ask them to include one fry. Do this once a year to celebrate…..not every day or 4 times a day.
Do they *have* Sprite Zero!?!? Most places don’t have diet clear drinks. I’m going to have to give that a try. Maybe I could order fries, just take one, and tell them to give the rest of the order to the car behind me, as a gift.
Come on! It’s Chick-fil-A. They would give you one!
And even high school students love to get stickers!!
Way to go, Gayle! This has to be tough, but what an inspiration you are!!
Thanks. Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting, and thanks for supporting KIDNEY HEALTH!! (If anyone had told me, 50 years ago, that I’d be a big proponent of kidney health, I’m sure I’d have looked at them quite strangely [while I was eating a banana].)
Congratulations! I think so many people think dialysis is inevitable after diabetes that they just give up. You are so disciplined to take this to heart and stay off dialysis! Your faith is an inspiration to me too! Again, keep up the good work! I agree Chik fil A would work with you I am sure!
I’ve gotten so much encouragement about this that I think I’ll go by tomorrow and ask if they sell individual Waffle Fries and explain what a market there is for that sort of thing! Just think of all the good publicity they’d get.
Good for you! You need a rub on tattoo saying “way to go”.
Does that sort of thing exist? Maybe it could be free at Chick-fil-A if folks come in to purchase one Waffle Fry.
Great news. I just discovered a wonderful new kale recipe which I will send your way too.
Thanks. I like it all right raw, but another way to have it *would* be great.
CONGRATULATIONS!!! You amaze me! Such an inspiration!
As much as I complain about it all, I don’t feel very much like any kind of role model. There’s a lot of eye-rolling, crabby attitudes, and covetous thoughts, mainly about things like Waffle Fries. But, thanks for your kind words. 🙂